trau-ma (trô′mə, trä′-)
n. pl. trau-mas or trau-ma-ta

1. A serious injury or shock to the body, as from violence or an accident.
2. An emotional wound or shock that creates substantial, lasting damage to the psychological development of a person, often leading to neurosis.
3. An event or situation that causes great distress and disruption.


One step forward, two steps back... Dancing with fear, to the beat of destiny's drum.

I am unmistakably afraid, more than I really care to admit. For me, for you, for everyone else involved.... It doesn't really matter who because one way or another, someone's bound to get hurt. And I've been through that. And I know it won't be easy for anyone. I have no idea if I have recovered enough to trust myself to be strong enough to deal with whatever is coming, or whatever I have to face.
 

I wish I can stop thinking, stop planning, stop second guessing... JUST STOP. Shut it all out and for once, just. let. go.... 

 

The Proust Questionnaire

The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. Here is the basic Proust Questionnaire.

1.What is your idea of perfect happiness?
When everything else is imperfect but you just know. You know you will be okay and you're joyful, grateful, and at peace... despite anything.

2.What is your greatest fear?
Worthlessness. When life has no purpose, how does one find meaning? Why should one even live?

3.What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Honesty.

4.What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Incompetence. Ugh. Please. Stupidity kills.

5.Which living person do you most admire?
I'll let you know when I meet that person in heaven.

6.What is your greatest extravagance?
Sleep, honestly. I dreamt I ate a marshmallow, then when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

7.What is your current state of mind?
"Ladies and gentlemen, the Captain has turned on the fasten seat belt sign. We are now crossing a zone of turbulence. Please return to your seats and keep your seat belts fastened. Thank you."

8.What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Idealism. Wake up. Nothing is perfect in the real world. Even one's idealism can be flawed.

9.On what occasion do you lie?
When I can get away with it, and that's never often.
Liar, liar. Panties on fire.

10.What do you most dislike about your appearance?
It's... common. Le sigh.

11.Which living person do you most despise?
I tell you this: Indifference is far worse than hate.

12.What is the quality you most like in a man?
Chivalry. Commitment. Courage. Ambition.
Full time position available. Attractive compensation package. Rigorous screening process. Applicants are welcome to apply. Will be notified through facebook if shortlisted. Haha.

13.What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Wisdom and quiet grace.

14.Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"Yeah, yeah, yeah..."
"Though..."
"Weird."
"Nevermind..."
"Nothing."

My, my. I'm ever so eloquent. A one-word talking machine.

15.What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Music, you are love.

16.When and where were you happiest?
The lights dim. I close my eyes and wait... The first beat. Then the music swells and reverberates, everything in my being comes alive and I feel like my heart can't contain it anymore and any minute, it can explode.

17.Which talent would you most like to have?
Charisma? That count?

18.If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Sensitivity.

19.What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Independence.

20.If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
A tree, standing high and proud, witness to all that life can offer. God knows the earth can never have enough trees.

21.Where would you most like to live?
In your heart?

22.What is your most treasured possession?
The 'Pod. Music heals, music shapes, it makes something great even better.

23.What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Suicide.

24.What is your favorite occupation?
Defender of the oppressed and the downtrodden. Seriously. I'm a superhero girl, don't tell anyone. I wear leotards under my dresses.

25.What is your most marked characteristic?
Wit? At least I hope. Passion? My greatest downfall.

26.What do you most value in your friends?
Dependability.

27.Who are your favorite writers?
You're high if you think it's an easy choice to make.

28.Who is your hero of fiction?
Daria, the queen of sarcasm. An idiot can never be sardonic, go  figure. 

29.Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Amelia Earhart, because she was never really lost...

30.Who are your heroes in real life?
To the staff of Kuff and Kollar Valero Branch, you are much appreciated. Life is so much easier and meaningful with your laundry services around.

31.What are your favorite names?
Radiohead. Jeff Buckley. Thursday. Names that make this world a better place to live in.

32.What is it that you most dislike?
Sexuality versus music. Take all your clothes off, gyrate and sell your soul to the devil, but hideous music will still be, well just that... hideous.

33.What is your greatest regret?
None that deserves the "greatest" tag attached to it. Thank heavens.

34.How would you like to die?
Peacefully.

35.What is your motto?
Everything happens the way its supposed to. Even if you can't understand, even if it doesn't make sense. The universe will always be right on schedule. And it always works out for the best in the long run, all you need is trust. 
 

Two years of out college, which statement best characterizes you?

a.) I am unhappy with my job.
b.) I am currently looking for a new job.
c.) I am unemployed.
d.) I have just resigned, transfering to a new job.
 

I had dinner with a bunch of Ateneo friends and ALL of us fall in one category or several... Ladies and gents, quarter life crisis at it's finest. We are getting older.
 

But honestly, it was comforting in a way. I realized that it wasn't a lonely road after all. And although I feel really lost, I know I'll find my way soon enough. I'll get there. Eventually, I'll be okay. We will all be okay. And everything will work for the best in the long run...
 

In the meantime, I pray, I hope, and I trust. It's in His hands.

 

"Well I thought a lot of things.  But mostly, I thought your being sad was much more important to me than Craig not being your boyfriend anymore. And if it meant that I would never get to think of you that way, as long as you were happy, it was okay. That's when I realized that I really love you."

                                                                Charlie, to Sam
                                                                The Perks of Being A Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky